ROY McDONOUGH certainly lived to up his nickname as “Britain’s wildest footballer”.
On the pitch, the former Birmingham, Chelsea, Colchester and Southend striker scored 150 goals in 650 games over the course of 18 years.
Roy McDonough battled with football’s hard men throughout the 70s, 80s and 90s
Yet he is fondly remembered as a cult hero for his bloody battles with football’s hardest men.
Off it, he was a true lothario, sleeping with different women every week.
And his motto after every game was simple: “Win or lose, on the booze!
“No f***** is going to outdrink me!” McDonough, 59, used to say.
His tally of 22 red cards remains a record in English football
Scoring in the bedroom…
With his long hair and moustache, McDonough was dubbed the “German Porn Star” by Birmingham teammates. “It was a nickname I did my very best to live up to,” he says.
In his incredibly honest autobiography, McDonough claims he slept with 400 women, including orgies with fellow teammates.
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Twice he had to seek medical attention after contracting sexually transmitted diseases gonorrhoea and then crabs.
His most famous conquest was “pulling a Miss UK finalist Christine Houghton with half a pint of larger and £1 petrol money.”
McDonough was a real ladies man and claims to have slept with 400 women
During one 18-month period, while locked in a loveless marriage to his first wife Jackie, McDonough reckons he slept with at least 39 girls.
He says his “failure to keep my trousers zipped up” was a curse inherited from his dad, who was “a terrible womaniser.”
His chat-ups lines weren’t exactly subtle…
McDonough says his “pulling technique had a 95% success rate” and only a few times was he told to “f*** off” for his brashness with the opposite sex.
He says: “I’d patrol the club like a kid in a candy store, picking out whatever sweet little thing I fancied tasting, before ruthlessly moving in for the kill, telling them what we were going to do, and where we were going to do it.
The striker played against the famous Dutch maestro Johan Cruyff at Stamford Bridge
“I’d say: ‘When we get in luv, I’m going to look after you downstairs, then all hell is going to break loose.’
“Alternatively, I could be really classy and ask: ‘So, how many times do you want to c*** tonight, darling?’”
Sometimes, when he was hungover, he’d give his “moustache a quick lick in the morning to find out if I’d done the deed.”
Marriages and divorces…
McDonough married his on-off girlfriend Jackie in June 1988, which he says was “built on lust, not love”.
‘Britain’s wildest footballer’ was not afraid to stick his head where he would hurt
McDonough’s extramarital affair was expoised by The Sun on page seven on August 30, 1995
She was the daughter of developer Gordon Parker, who later became the Colchester chairman.
But his affair with Lizzie, the club groundsman’s wife, only became public knowledge in August 1995.
The story appeared on page seven of The Sun under the headline: ‘Roy of the Ravers – Soccer boss runs off with his wife’s lookalike best pal.’
Despite the scandal, Lizzie ended up being his true love – “my guardian angel,” he said. The sleeping around stopped.
Scoring from the spot against Peter Shilton’s Derby in League Cup in 1987 for Southend
World Cup winners…
Interestingly, McDonough played under three England World Cup winners: Sir Alf Ramsey (at Birmingham), Sir Geoff Hurst (at Chelsea) and Bobby Moore (at Southend).
He held the utmost respect for his hero Moore during their one season together at Roots Hall.
His most prized possession was a match programme in which Moore praised McDonough for his “effort, endeavour and work he puts in for his teammates”.
Having an early bath…
McDonough was sent off a record 22 TIMES.
Playing against Chelsea’s Glenn Hoddle in a friendly at Colchester
His autobiography, which is available in paperback, is one of the honest sports book on the market
McDonough was not afraid to speak his mind and slam ex-pros Tony Pulis and Vinnie Jones in his book
His first red card was received for throttling one-handed the referee…of his local secondary SCHOOL cup final.
His moments of rage saw him receive plenty of suspensions, club fines and trips to Lancaster Gate for a dressing-down from the FA bigwigs.
Taking on football’s hard men…
For McDonough, it was a badge of honour to put his head where it hurt against the warriors of the era.
Graeme Souness was “the hardest player ever to walk the earth.”
Fellow Liverpool enforcer Tommy Smith “was built like Fred Flintstone and had a Frankenstein head, covered in battle scars.”
McDonough was never afraid to swear or try to intimidate a referee
Yet he had little time for Tony Pulis. “Pathetic, a little f****** squirt,” he called him.
As for Vinnie Jones, McDonough said: “Not hard in my book or brave. He was just a bully who never had the bottle to do things face-to-face.”
Boozing it up…
McDonough spent most nights “f***** out of my brains”.
He could easily drink 10 pints a night. His personal record was 18 pints of Stella.
His party piece was downing a pint in seven seconds upside down.
Remarkably, he often drove home despite being blind drunk and yet never had an accident.
Only once was he caught by police. He was just short of being of three times the legal 35mcg drink-driving limit – for which he received a 30-month driving ban.
He guided non-league Colchester United to the league and cup double in 1991-92
Winning the FA Trophy at Wembley…
McDonough’s crowning glory was achieving the 1991-92 league and cup double as a player/manager of non-league Colchester.
They won the Conference with 94 points, 19 home wins, and scored 123 goals in all competitions.
Then they beat Witton Albion 3-1 at Wembley in the FA Trophy final – with their shirts proudly sponsored by The Sun.
He recalls: “As I looked across that sea of blue and white, I thought, ‘The drunken clown didn’t do too badly, did he?’”
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McDonough now lives in Spain with second wife Lizzie, who he calls his “guardian angel”
Teammates said his drinking was so bad he probably wouldn’t last beyond the age of 35.
He lives in Spain now and is happily married with Lizzie.
This week he flies on holiday to Jamaica to celebrate his 60th birthday tomorrow. And raise a toast to one incredible life in football.
Red Card Roy: Sex, booze and early baths, Vision Sports, £9.99, out now