DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD an exciting, sexy affair but it triggered a string of events that blew my life apart.
I’m 34 and my husband is 39. We have two young sons and for years we were fine. Then my husband lost his position as a marketing executive. He kept on applying for jobs and kept getting turned down.
The only contact I have with my husband now is through our lawyersAlamy
In the end he gave up on that field and started driving a cab instead. He hated the driving, the traffic and the hours. I could see he was getting depressed but when I said anything he got angry and told me to leave him alone.
He rarely spoke and the house was a miserable place. One night I was out in the pub with a mate when a friend of hers came on to me. He’s 33 and has been good friends with my mate since school but when she went to the bar he was out-and-out flirting with me.
The next day my friend got in touch and said he had asked for my number. I told her to give it to him. I knew it was wrong but a part of me thought “Well, why the hell not?” I felt alone in my marriage and desperate to feel a man’s interest again.
We started a full-blown affair but I knew in my heart that he wasn’t a patch on my husband who used to be handsome and loving and witty before he got ill.
Then my husband found out I’d had an affair and threatened to tell the whole world.
I only cheated on my husband because he was being so miserable all the timeAlamy
I panicked and made terrible accusations that he was abusive to me. I was lying but now feel trapped by those lies. He left our home and moved in with his mum. We don’t talk at all, except through our lawyers.
I still love my husband. It’s all gone so wrong but I feel like he drove me to it.
SO many men wish their penis was bigger but a very large one can cause relationship problems that can be tricky to resolve.
My e-leaflet Manhood Too Large explains self-help tactics.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I don’t condone your affair but I understand how frustrating and isolating it can be to live with a partner’s depression.
Withdraw any untrue allegations you made against him – explain it was said in panic. Can you talk to his mum? Does she know he’s suffering from depression?
I doubt she wants to see her son living apart from his children if there’s a chance this rift can be healed. I doubt, too, that he will feel any happier in the long term if your marriage should end in divorce.
At this point it could help him much more to see his GP than his solicitor.
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Maybe his mum can convince him of this, especially if she understands how much you still love him and you regret what you said.
A few sessions with a Relate counsellor could cost less and bring much better returns than divorce.
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